An Essay A Day For A Year
By Roe
Day 71, March 11, 2012
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Today I am going to write about sexuality, and I say Yay!. I like sexuality. Of all the Ualities, the Sex-uality is my favorite. I have a sexuality, and anyone reading this has a sexuality. When Mother Goose and The Stork and The Wizard Of Oz and whatever God we do or don’t believe in made our sexuality feel good, they did us all a great service. Let’s all give a high 5 for good feeling sexuality, Yee Ha! Since the birds and the bees and everyone on the Discovery channel is doing “it”, we might as well do “it” too. Yee ha! again.
It’s very strange to me that we might feel strange or awkward or embarrassed or ashamed or guilty or fearful about our sexuality. I promise all you dear souls that you were not born that way, and Nature never intended you to feel that way. You and me and all dogs and cats all have a many, many million year history of gang fucking in broad daylight in front of all, and with complete and beautiful and natural abandon. We should all just go and do that right now, that would be a lot of pleasurable fun. It would also please Mother and Father Nature very, very much, since someone is bound to get preggie when we do “it” en masse. Gee, I wonder why that idea and image and experience of reading this makes you feel uncomfortable or horny? Whether you feel an Ew or a Hee Hee about your sexuality, something is definitely different about us and kitty cat and hound doggy humans.
There is definitely something peculiar about human sexuality. When we experience our human sexuality with consciousness and an omniscient heart, we become mighty private about our Sex-uality. Mother and Father Nature may still be driving, but Love from a feeling and reciprocal heart now takes us into a whole new realm of personhood and self as relates to our sexuality. Procreation and sexual Love can and will be compatible, and in our humanity they are in fact inseparable. Many, many people make tender and reciprocal, respectful Love every day, and many, many more make mutual degrading fuck every day. And yet every copulative act of human genitalia is and was and will forever be an act of Love, and of Heart. We can make sweet Love or we can make sick and violent fuck, but we and our hearts and our ability to give and receive Love are always present.
Every human omniscient heart contains within it the most beautiful and true notion of morality, and the group ethics of a shared personal morality. Our sex is our own beautiful and private expression of Nature and our selves, and how we give and receive Love. No manner or type or practice of consensual and mutually accepting sexual Love has ever been immoral or shameful or guilt laden, and all religions that try to moralize our own sexual behavior are false and harmful. There is no immoral or disgusting or shameful sex, only immoral and disgusting and shameful religious manipulations that seek to control our natural beauty. Loving and Fucking are our beautiful birthrights, and every combination thereof. Every human heart knows the truth of its own practice of sexuality, and every human heart knows the truths and hypocrisies of the not-so-great belief systems that pervert our own inner knowings.
Our own sexualities are the virtual and literal imprint of the sexualities of our parents. We begin our sexual encoding in the wombs of our mothers, and during birth and the first few seconds and minutes we are encoded and imprinted with our lifetime of sexuality. This experience of “nurture” is overlaid upon the “nature” of the hereditary memory of our doggy-kitty reptilian-mammalian sexuality, against the backdrop of the true and perfect potential of Love of our omniscient hearts. Deep in our hearts we know how Love is meant to feel right through to healthy sexuality, and deep in our testicles and ovaries we know how procreation is meant to play out. How we in fact live out our perfect heart Love through our genitals to Love and procreate depends entirely on the “nurture” or lack of healthy nurture of our womb life and birth and early childhood situation.
Mothers and fathers with healthy and balanced sexualities create the environment and experience for their newborns and infants to encode and imprint beautiful and healthy sexualities. And this does not mean the manifestation of supposed moral sexual practices, it means healthy unconscious and conscious sexual health without control. Mothers and fathers with warped and traumatized and repressed sexualities create the environment and experience for their newborns and infants to encode and imprint warped and traumatized sexualities. Every pervert and pedophile, every asshole and misogynist, every whoremonger, had parents who were perverts and pedophiles and assholes and misogynists and whoremongers. Every perverted, pedophile bitch and slut, every whore and misandrist, had parents who were perverted, pedophile, bitches and sluts and whores and misandrists. Most people don’t willingly place themselves in the titles and descriptions above or recognize themselves as people with warped and traumatized sexualities, but everyone holds the unconscious repressions of horrific sexual trauma and deprivations within their hearts and psyches that play out in adult life as unhealthy sexuality. Everyone has unhealthy sexuality to some degree, and most to a high degree.
When we are born we “download” every minute detail of the sexuality of our mothers and fathers, all their sexual health and balance, and all their fear and shame and guilt and doubt and perversion about their sexualities. We download things that our parents have no idea of, since we download all their unconscious details of their own fortunate and unfortunate sexual histories. Due to the lack of sexual health in mothers and fathers, mostly unconscious, all parents sexualize their infants either in awareness or without realizing it to some degree. “Baby boy” becomes Mommy’s new lover, and she uses him to psycho-emotionally supplant her husband. So great is the trauma of this happening to her at her birth with her own father that she obeys her unconscious imprint and repeats the pattern without realizing it. “Princess” becomes Daddy’s new lover, and he uses her to psycho-emotionally supplant the wife. So great is the trauma of this happening to him at his birth with his own mother that he obeys his unconscious imprint and repeats the pattern with his own daughter without realizing it.
All parents to some degree are unconsciously the first pedophiles of their own infants by living out and expressing their own warped sexualities in the subtleties of infant care, while simply feeling maternal and paternal. And when we infants grow up, we express our state of our own womb life and birth and early infant care in the ability to give and receive sexual love in a healthy way, or in our sexual deviations and problems. If we can give and receive any and all manner of consensual and mutual sexual activity in a loving and empowering way, with healthy arousal and orgasm, and in healthy intervals, we had a healthy and balanced sexual imprint and codification from both of our parents. This is very, very rare. If we cannot give and receive any and all manner of consensual and mutual sexual activity in a loving and empowering way, with healthy arousal and orgasm, and in healthy intervals, we have been sexually warped and traumatized and deprived by our sexually unhealthy parents.
We as sexual humans are not and have never been defective. Whatever happened to us is not our faults, as we were and still are deep inside very needy and very disappointed and traumatized infants, and simply victims. Whatever has happened to us can be mourned and grieved and healed once brought conscious, and we have the potential and hope of being and having healthy and very pleasurable sexual lives. Perhaps this essay has not been so sexy or Yey! as one might have hoped. Perhaps aversion out of religious shame as if we are at fault, or perhaps getting off on a doggy-kitty gang bang as perverts as if we are at fault, would be easier and trickier. Sadly, whether we abstain from or indulge in perversion or just plain great sex, if we are screwed up sexually, Mommy and Daddy are always right there with us, consciously or unconsciously.
Me, I would rather face the sexual mess that was caused me by my Mommy and Daddy, and after grieving the pain of what they did to me, get them out of my pants and bed forever. I’m tired of being made to feel guilty and ashamed and in need to control what happened to me as a victimized infant. I’m tired of sick, immoral religion perpetrating the paradigm of the good Mommy and Daddy who are sickly hiding their grotesque sexual problems played out in millennia of warped religious texts. I’m ready for some mutual and consensual and elevating Yee Ha! doggy and kitty sex that makes my heart and mind and genitals celebrate the beauty of Me and You and Nature, which are one and the same. We are called Love.
See you tomorrow.
yourpersonalmuse@gmx.com
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