An Essay A Day For A Year
By Roe
Day 51, February 20, 2012
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I just love the idea of courage. Of course the idea of running into a house on fire to save someone’s kitty is courage. Being a top extreme sports athlete nowadays takes a lot of courage. Climbing into a troop transport bound for the latest war takes courage. But I like the lesser known ideas of courage too. Deciding in your heart and mind that you wouldn’t want the people you love to suffer burying you with a carbonized kitty takes courage. Being found alive at the dinner table with your beautiful new wife and baby instead of twisted up under 20,000 tons of snow takes courage. Standing on a public street with a “no war” sign as a conscientious objector takes a whole lot of courage.
There have been times in my life when I was thought to have had a lot of courage. I rode a motorcycle from Colorado U.S.A all the way to Panama as part of my trip around the world. That took courage. Personally, everyone I left behind that continued to live their unique lives day after day after day had a lot more courage. I ran off in search of my self, and everyone else I knew paid their bills and changed their baby’s diapers, and finished their homework in maintenance of their lives and dreams. That takes courage.
I met Carolina, 16 year old girl working as a prostitute on the streets of Tijuana, Mexico, she was from a middle class family in Puebla, 1800 miles to the south. She left home when she was 14 without money, and she traveled alone by rail and truck north to the border, using herself as payment. She crossed “la linea” (the border) with the “coyotes” (illegal immigrant traffickers) 7 times, and was caught and returned by the U.S. Immigration every time. She finally decided to cross the border in a car with tourists with false documents, at a cost of $ 6,000.00, and when we met she already had $ 3,500.00 saved. I was awed by Carolina’s courage to escape from her abusive family and try to get to America, where she knew no one, to follow her dream.
I have met a lot of girls who have lived lives of terrible abuses and poverties, yet who remained imbedded in their families and cultures, and who have prospered with educations and admirable accomplishments. They have guided their own families towards a future without abuse, facing incredible trials right at home. I am awed by their courage, and no less than Caroline’s.
In comparison and contrast between your and my courage, I would say that I don’t have much right now, while you have so much. In comparison and contrast between my courage and yours, maybe tomorrow I will have more than you. Courage it seems is subjective, and relative to each and every person and situation. I know that I am gifted in so many ways. I really like myself. I also know that I could be awarded a patent for how to screw up. At the times of my regretful screw ups and behaviors, I don’t like myself much. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to screw up. Other times it takes a lot of courage not to screw up. There are people in my life who support and care for me even with my screw-ups. That takes a lot of courage. Liking and accepting myself with all my defects and problems is a courage I would like to have.
Maybe we should start a courage pool, like a car pool to get to work, but this one is to get through life. Some days I’ll face that kitty in the fire, other days you go. Tonight on TV I’ll outrun the avalanche, and you can make dinner for my wife and baby. Tomorrow night it’s my turn to have the courage to cook a yummy meal for your family, while you go out and impress us. Tomorrow you and I can be just two of many millions that volunteer to finish whatever war is out there, and whoever makes it home has to carry the “no war” sign until our hair turns grey.
I know that courage is out there in everything, and in all people and their courageous lives. For some, just taking a breath takes courage. I salute you. For a recovering addict, not breathing out of your drug pipe takes incredible courage. I salute you. Instead of writing this for you, or instead of you reading this by me, we could be out doing something more courageous, like camping on top of a nuclear missile silo so it doesn’t ever launch, or cleaning oil off of dying animals on a polluted beach. I salute all those people. Instead of doing things to keep ourselves courageous, we could spend our time learning about others, and reading and writing online to connect and inspire and appreciate our world. I salute you and me.
It takes courage to do that which is difficult or scary or threatening for us to do. It takes courage to change, it takes courage to risk, it takes courage to grow. It takes courage to be different, and it takes courage to stay the course. Everything we do has inherent courage in it, and the lack of courage in it. We know in our hearts when we know we have shown courage, and when we wished we would have had courage. We know in our hearts when others have shown courage, and when they have fallen short.
Today I am going to be and do and risk and try brand new courageousness. What that is may not be courageous for you, but root for me anyway, for it is not easy for me. Tomorrow when you try on your new courageousness, I will be there rooting for you, because I know that it is not easy for you.
Courage. We have all we need, and we wish we had more. We just love the idea of courage.
See you tomorrow.
yourpersonalmuse@gmx.com
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