An Essay A Day For A Year
By Roe
Day 14, January 14, 2012
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Not too long ago I was just a wee little spirit out there in spiritland, before I chose once again to live in the flesh here on Earth. In spiritland I experienced a constant state of bliss and the absence of any need to exist in heart, body, or mind. I remember the ecstasy of just being, but not manifesting. I remember it’s like that spot just before the biggest orgasm you’ve ever had, where you think you’re going to die, and you get scared, but it’s so good you still want to do it. If you’ve never had an orgasm like that I recommend that you make feeling one your next hobby, because then you might remember bliss. The great thing about spiritland bliss is you willingly stick right there. You don’t miss anything anymore like you do here on Earth, and that sounds like a good thing. You don’t long for anything anymore and that sounds like a good thing. You don’t suffer anymore and that too sounds like a good thing.
In spiritland I remember not having any thoughts or ideas at all. I don’t remember being bored ever, and I don’t remember being unhappy. I just remember being, and I mean BEING. I remember that this blissful orgasm that stayed constant included everything everywhere, and everything at all times. I remember that my bliss was combined with all the bliss of all the wee spirits in spiritland. We orgasmics don’t remember anything about Om or God or Devil or any other ideas, I suppose because we were one with them too. I also certainly remember you who is reading this. You too were once a wee spirit with me out there in spiritland.
In spiritland oneness doesn’t begin or end with humans, for oneness includes all things, living or inanimate or dead. There is no justifiable reason in blissful oneness why bugs and weird things and ancient life forms and all kinds of beautiful alien life forms aren’t one with us too. The universe is a very big place, and it seems hard to be one with absolutely everything, but that’s the neat thing about being stuck in that giant lovely orgasm, so are all the other wee spirits, so everyone can feel everyone, and not one wee spirit gets left out. That’s the nice thing about being part of a cosmic wide orgasm, it is so intensely perfect that you don’t have or need the brain space to worry or ever care again about any judgment. You just are, and that is not only good enough, it is perfect and ecstatic. Wow, I’d really like to know a place like that. It sounds less difficult and painful than life here on Earth.
So why on earth am I here on Earth again I often wonder. If bliss is so blissful, why would I now be struggling so hard sometimes even for just a wee orgasm, let alone living as part of a constant cosmic one. I am now living in the flesh, and with my flesh comes a messy existence of the roller coaster we call life. Many times just like you I wish I could get off this roller coaster. At times like that I’m not even clever or poetic or esoteric, I just plain ponder if it wouldn’t be better just to die. Dead is good I sometimes think, because I imagine that dead doesn’t hurt, and dead isn’t hard. When I was a wee spirit in spiritland I don’t remember that when I was living in the flesh I often wanted to quit and die because this living can be so hard. Why would any spirit choose to live in the flesh again and give up constant cosmic ecstatic oneness with all?
That is a very, very funny question in cosmic orgasmland, for in a blissful perfect harmony where there are no questions or wonders WHY?, becomes the only remaining example of how perfect, balanced oneness doesn’t exist. And what a funny little möbius strip that is. If “everything” is true and valid and valued, to the point of perfection and it’s need not to even exist at all, then “why” always remains as a wonderful echo of “why not”. Oneness contains doubt within it, but need not manifest it. That is until one wee little spirit like you and me has the doubt or boredom or courage to say, “WHY?”, or “WHY NOT?”. Then POP!, here we are.
Hello you there reading this. I remember you!. Why you little doubtful, courageous, rebellious little wee spirit! You could have stayed bliss-gasmic and now you are here again riding this miraculous imperfect roller coaster AGAIN! “Well you too!”, you say to me. Well, OK, here I am again too, I admit it. All I have to say is, “Is this a fucking kick in the pants or what!” I especially like this part because in spiritland there is no need for cussing or kicking or even pants. And besides, it’s fun. And besides, I could make people laugh or get in trouble, or embarrass myself, and in spiritland we are all so oneness perfect that there is no need to laugh, or get in trouble, or embarrass oneself. So yeah baby, I miss being a prince and an asshole, a rabble-rouser and a good daddy, and I miss happiness and pain, and so do you my wee spirit friend.
I still remember choosing to come here, so it makes it easier when I often almost literally cry myself to death. And I remember coming here, so it makes the smile on my face even more joyful as I behold the sun coming up over the beautiful lake below me from where I am writing you. I very much don’t like the pain and grief and suffering of my life, but I very much like the sound of the music I am listening to as the new day sun warms my face as I write you. And I accept both, for better or worse, until death do us part, because I chose this existence. Fuck yeah.
May I humbly remind you fellow wee spirit that so did you. Welcome. This is what you wanted, and this is how you wanted it, just like you have it now, or it would be different. You are one of the wee spirits strong enough to doubt, crazy enough to dare, and wily enough to prove it. WOW. I am so impressed my me, and by you, and by all of us that choose the tragic downs of this roller coaster of Earth life just for the joyous peaks of love at the top. Hmmm we thought, in a place void of thoughts, do I choose constant orgasmic beauty, or do I want to look into the eyes of my sexy soul mate as I come? Do I really want to cradle the newborn angel that chose ME and MY LOVE and look into her eyes? Do I really want to watch my little rebellious lover boy son take his first ecstatic but scary steps? Yup. And you decided the same. But I and you also agreed to live and die in war and poverty and suffering. We chose life.
I remember that in spiritland, where there is blissfully neither the need for happiness or sadness, that there is also no need for destiny or free will. And that is absolutely perfect and balanced. But I chose to come here. When my daddy’s sperm was engulfing mommy’s egg, and she said, “no, no, no boys!”, I jumped up and said, “I’ll go!, I’ll go!, and POP!, here I am, and you my wee spirit friend, did the same thing. And thank you for caring, and thank you for coming. That is in fact our destiny, long written in the stars and just sitting there ecstatically balanced with no need to pop until we chose to jump into flesh down here.
Now here is the best part fellow brave Earthian. No destiny written in the stars or not manifests without free will. Free means “why”, and “why not”, and it is a very messy but unrelenting dynamic. This dynamic of destiny plus free will, with a little dash of piss and vinegar thrown in, is called Life. So I heartfully feel bad for all the sadness and pain all around us here in life, especially yours and mine. I am ashamed of our hunger and abuse and war here on Earth, I am sad for our death and tragedy, I am outraged at all the lack of blissful joy here, and scared for us all. What was I thinking when I jumped up and yelled, “I’ll go, I’ll go!”.
I was thinking, “hell yeah, come hell and high water, I WANT to do this”. And I still do, and so do you. You and I have a choice, and our choice is Life. What is your roller coaster going to be like? What can you do about your here and now right now to realize why you jumped up in the first place? When I say “shit happens, so start shoveling”, you already knew that when you chose your mommy and daddy, and it didn’t deter you one bit. You had hopes and plans, and you still do.
So I just want to live my destiny and the Earth bound ecstasy of having the free will that I chose. I say that I don’t have to put up with the sad shit all around me, and I say that I can do better and I damn well intend to keep trying. I say, “let’s see you blessed out perfects up there in spiritland do this!”, because pride and arrogance and passion and courage and just plain “I can because I believe that I can” are my birthright here in this messy place. Even when it is obvious that I can’t.
Enjoy the ride everyone.
See you tomorrow.
www.dear-roe-the-muse.com\
yourpersonalmuse@gmx.com
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