Musings
From The Heart
An
Essay A Day For A Year
By
Roe
Day
130 May 9, 2012
Amazon
Triggers
Pull the trigger of a gun,
and the linkage to the hammer drops it against the firing pin, and “Bang!”, your
victim is dead. (That is if you can hit more than the broad side of a barn). Say the wrong thing to the wrong person at
the wrong time, and “Bang!” your victim is dead, and maybe even you are dead,
despite the fact that you were talking about the broad side of a barn, and
didn’t mean to offend anyone, and the person started crying and now hates
you. What the F am I talking about? I am
talking about mental and emotional “triggers”, and how what we do and say in
the present “triggers” us and other people into reactions that are often
irrational and difficult to understand. What are emotional and psychological triggers
and why are we so irrational due to them?
Imagine that we are each the
great Amazon river, and as water flows into us, we sort the water, keeping the
pure and beneficial water in our main Amazon flow, and if we receive water that
is harmful and threatening, we branch it into a separate tributary, and once we
have done this, we forget all about it to protect us from the terrible
knowledge of it. Now imagine that we receive so much turbulent and dirty,
threatening water, that this tributary becomes far larger than our main artery.
Imagine that the murky and dangerous tributary becomes the real Amazon, and our
pure and sweet river that we are aware of is relegated to being only a vestige
of a river, and a mere tributary of the forgotten behemoth Amazon dark
river. This analogy is the description
of our conscious mind, the original pure Amazon, and our unconscious mind, the
turbulent and threatening, dangerous tributary that we had to split off and hide,
and then forget, but which becomes so large as to become the main river of
ourselves. Our unconscious minds are far larger now and far too threatening to
remember, and we are now all repressed and denied murky Amazon rivers
unconsciously.
The human mind is not meant
to be conscious and unconscious, for we are meant to be completely whole, and
“one” with ourselves and all Life and the universe. This is the actual definition of
enlightenment, and enlightenment is simply total and complete unification of the
true and whole heart-psyche-body, and this state of being has never been
actually accomplished in history. Moses
and Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha, and many others, were simply ancient
prophets that approached the “ideas” of true divinity and spirituality, but
they were primitive ancients with extremely unhealthy unconscious minds, and
thereby a very, very long way from enlightenment. True unification of self in one-mind and
true-heart is actual death, or non existence, for the complete wholeness of
Life lovingly negates the very need to Live, the most beautiful of all conundrums. Life is meant to be the balancing act of
unbalance, and once the unbalance is balanced, Life ceases to be.
Imagine you standing next to
the tiny, but pure, river of self, and yelling “FAT!” into the jungle, and your
faithful, hard working, skinny little indigenous river guide begins to become
enraged and ultimately shoots you with a poisonous dart, and you die. As you sit in imagined purgatory, bound for
imagined heaven or hell, you say to yourself, “What the fuck”? Why did that skinny little canoe paddler get
so upset about hearing “FAT!”, and why did he kill me? The funny thing is the jailed for life,
skinny little river guide is wondering the same thing. In his local language he
is saying, “What the fuck”? Why did I
kill the white guy when he yelled “FAT!” into the jungle?” The obvious truth, since this essay is about
Amazon triggers, is that deep in the jungle of the white guys unconscious
brain, there was an enormous push to yell “FAT!” into the jungle, a trigger
from deep within his psyche that penetrated through into his conscious, and he
reacted to something that he didn’t really remember or understand, and it cost
him his life. The obvious truth, since
this essay is about Amazon triggers, is that deep in the jungle of the
indigenous guy’s unconscious brain was the completely repressed memory of him
eating every fried piranha in site when he was a little boy, and being the
fattest jungle kid in history, and the deep trauma of him always being called
“FAT!”, and being left behind in the scary jungle. When his white boss yelled “FAT!” into the
jungle, the skinny little river guide felt deep trauma from his past, which he
reacted to without becoming conscious of why. He reacted to deep pain that he
didn’t remember or understand, and it cost him life in prison.
When our hearts are broken
so badly after being jilted in love that we consider dying, and we take years
or a lifetime to get over it, it is emotionally and psychologically impossible
for the person in our adult present to be able to cause us this much grief and
pain. Our current loves and losses are triggers for our repressed past. We love as small and pure tributary rivers,
yet we are connected to the viral and life threatening past of our Amazon
jungle unconscious. For any woman who
ever virtually or even actually died from a broken heart, it was most certainly
her own father who really broke her heart in her babyhood and childhood, deep
in her repressed and forgotten psyche, and tragically the trigger of the
present is blamed on someone who triggered the past, and both parties suffer
without realizing what the deeper truths are. For any man who ever virtually or
even actually died from a broken heart, it was most certainly his own mother
who really broke his heart in babyhood and childhood, deep in his repressed and
forgotten psyche, and tragically the trigger of the present is blamed on
someone who triggered the past, and both parties suffer without realizing what
the deeper truths are.
Everything that everyone
does all the time is a trigger for everything that has happened to us our
entire lives. Every nuance of human interaction, every word, every gesture,
every body language is constantly compared and contrasted with and by our
heart-brain-body super computer to assess its threat to us, and even though we
are only maybe 1-10% conscious and 90-99% unconscious, this comparing and
contrasting penetrates into our entire selves, and we react as entire selves,
yet the truth of what is happening and the truth of our reactions does not
penetrate our conscious-unconscious heart-mind barrier 90-99% of the time, and
we remain in the dark to ourselves and our own reactions. This means that we are not truly aware of
what we are doing or saying, we are not conscious of how we are reacting or
living 90-99% if the time, and that 90-99% of the time we are reacting simply
to triggers that reach deep into our past, and we are not aware of it. This explains all the irrational reactions of
seemingly rational people, and all the tragedies of us all, from mistreating
our own beautiful little children, to war and genocide.
The only way to become aware
of why we do what we do, and what is happening inside our own jungle-Amazon-trigger
brains, is emotional and psychological healing, and the only way to do that is
to mourn and grieve our traumas and deprivations and unfulfilled needs from our
births and childhoods, and the only way to do that is to mourn and grieve our
births and childhoods. That seems
redundant, so I will repeat it again and again to make a point about this point
that I am pointing at: The only way to
heal our split psyches and react truly to triggers instead of irrationally to
triggers is to mourn and grieve all the things from our births and childhoods
that are deeply repressed and forgotten for our own survival and protection,
and to bring our unconscious conscious.
You cannot heal by remaining
repressed or amnesiatic of pain, and you cannot heal by awareness of pain
alone, and you cannot heal by preaching or meditating or simply becoming a sage
of ideas about anything, unless you are preaching and meditating and saging
about the need to mourn and grieve pain. Our ancient sages and prophets, from
Moses to Jesus to Mohammed to Buddha, and all others, failed to make this point
clear, and they were therefore terribly conscious-unconscious split. You cannot ever approach God or enlightenment
when you are full of repressed pain, and God and meditation cannot make pain go
away, and neither can your belief in “Him”, or engaging in “His” practice. Did I mention that the only way to heal and
become whole and finally enlightened is to mourn and grieve our pains and unite
our split psyches and become completely conscious?
I hope that my broken record
reminder that the only way you can heal yourself and not become irrationally
reactive to triggers is to mourn and grieve your birth and childhood traumas
and deprivations and unfulfilled needs.
If I have become an effective trigger in this essay to annoy you, you
can shoot me with your poison dart, (trigger) or you can go deep into the
Amazon jungle and hide avoid me (trigger). Either way I got you. Or you can try and remember how annoying your
parents were to you harping on you a like I am a long time ago and try and
mourn and grieve your birth and childhood, and realize that I am just a trigger
for your own issues and conflicts. I know that I am a trigger for you, so I
will hide from your poison dart so I can stay alive. I know and you know now that you are a
trigger for me too, so whatever you do, don’t yell “FAT”! anywhere near me or
you’ll bring up all my fried piranha traumas and suffer the consequences!
See you tomorrow.
yourpersnalmuse@gmx.com
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