Musings
From The Heart
An
Essay A Day For A Year
By
Roe
Day
144 May 23, 2012
Forever
(Not) In Love
Part
2
There is of course a
possibility that romantic and sexual Love can wane and die, or disappear altogether,
but only if we are not in real Love to begin with. Love is like electricity that flows, and it
originates in the farthest reaches of the universe exactly in the spot where
the Big Bang originally big-banged, which happens to be everywhere, including
especially in every cell of your body, and beautifully, in your heart. As previously shared, Love as light and
electricity does not have a light and electricity switch, you cannot simply
feel it and then not, you cannot turn it on and off. You either love romantically and or sexually
or both, which is forever, or you do not, which is and was never.
The kind of Love that is a
fiery flame and obsessive desire and need might actually be real Love, and if
it is, whether you are together forever or not, the Love endures as long as the
stars burn in the sky, and that is a very, very long time. If our fiery flame
of Love and our obsessive desire and need of Love wanes and dies, or turns to
indifference and forgetting, then what we felt was selfish and self-based Love
instead, we felt projected Love or recipient Love or idealized Love or hopeful
Love, or many other kinds of Love that were not the beauty of resonant, mutual,
romantic and sexual Love.
Most people are in love with
how the person in their heart space resonates with how they felt to be in Love
with their own parents when they were children, and their Love is a nostalgic
rekindling of being in Love as a child, and still hoping for that same Love now
grown up. We are all in Love with
everything that went right as babies and children, and we are all wanting to be
back in that Love again. We can be in Love with the feeling of being in Love,
but not necessarily in real Love with a real person. When we are babies and
children many things went wrong with our Mommies and Daddies and how they loved
us and how we loved them, and we all seek to heal and amend, and correct our
unfulfilled Loves. Most people are in
Love with people that resonate with the feeling of their parents, and most
people are in Love with the feeling of being able to recreate situations of
childhood and then try and correct the situations and change the people that
they are in Love with, and it feels like changing Mommy and Daddy to be and do
what we hoped for as children.
Most people are in Love with giving
Love, but not necessarily receiving Love, or perhaps receiving Love, but not
giving Love. True Love is a
reciprocated, mutual resonance and exchange of two giving selves. Most people are in Love with the idea of the
other person, or the benchmark of the other person, or the status or beauty or
performance of the other person, but not necessarily the other person
themselves. Or perhaps we are in Love with how our other person is in Love with
our idea of self, or our benchmark, or our status or beauty or performance, in
other words we are in Love with ourselves as seen and expressed to us by other
people.
Love that goes away or dies
or changes into non Love or forgotten Love was never Love to begin with, but
instead our idea of Love as expressed or received solely as our vain or selfish
need or insecurity or expression of self through other people. Most of the time we use people to Love
because we need Love so much, but we are really sucking and not giving. Most of the time we get used by people
desperately needing to Love and be loved, and they suck from us and take but do
not give. Love is the feeling of planting seeds in the other person that grow
into beautiful flowers, while the other person plants seeds in us that grow
into beautiful flowers, and then we intertwine our stalks together and share
fragrances, eye to eye, body to body, genital to genital, egg to sperm, and
child to children that grow once again into loving, sexual adulthood. If our Love is fragrant and fruitful and real
with our other person, beyond our own vanities and needs and dependencies and
insecurities and selfishness, and if the person that is in Love with us feels
fragrant and fruitful and real Love, beyond their own vanities and needs and
dependencies and insecurities and selfishness, then we are in true Love, and
forever Love.
The irony is that all Love
lacks fragrance and fruit, and all Love is unreal, for Love is all things,
especially it’s opposite. All Love is vain and needy and dependent and insecure
and selfish, on the part of one soul, and it is the same from the other person
as one soul. But when two people join
together, even for the wrong reason, at the wrong time, in the wrong way,
against all odds, when two people share a childhood effigy of Love, a vain and
needy and dependent and insecure and selfish Love, they in fact share Love. How
beautiful it is that you cannot “not” feel or express Love. Time and challenges
will tell, when the Love is seemingly broken and dead or lost, if we were or
are in fact in true Love that is eternal and unchanged as described in part 1
of this essay, or if we are simply angry and hurt and in denial that we are
still in Love, as also described in part 1 of this essay. Or perhaps we realize that we were simply
fooling ourselves all along, and we were in Love with our own vain and selfish
selves, and we used another person, or our partner was in Love with their own
vain and selfish selves and simply used us, or most probably, both. Perhaps we will realize that our Love was not
real Love. That is an interesting conundrum since any and all Love is Love.
The only way to fall out of
Love is to never have been in Love at all.
If our relationship ends and our loving body to body and eye to eye
ends, we will always remain in Love with that person that is in Love with us,
there will always be a part of our heart connected to them. Is it so hard to admit: “I am in so much pain still, but I still Love
you!” Yes it is. Is it so hard to admit: “I’m so sorry, but I loved our Love and not
you.” Yes it is. Is it so hard to admit how much we need Love
and try to Love and mess up Love? Yes it
is. How beautiful an irony that Love can
fix all that. All we can do is keep
loving.
See you tomorrow.
yourpersonalmuse@gmx.com
No comments:
Post a Comment