Musings
From The Heart
An
Essay A Day For A Year
By
Roe
Day
127 May 6, 2012
My
Dream Is . . . . .
Isn’t it cool that we all
have dreams? I don’t mean the ones that
we dream at night, I mean the hopes and desires for ourselves and our futures. Even
if you are a humdrum and apathetic after a life of unfulfilled dreams, I know
that you secretly dream of things. I appreciate the idea of Buddha-man with the
concept of being one with the moment, and the idea of all our existence being
an illusion of reality, but even if I appreciate the idea I don’t agree with
it. I must remind him that the idea of living in reality, even if it is an
illusion, is living, and though dreaming
of the future may be living in projection to another time, I feel that this is
part of truly living. I do realize that the idea is to be fully present, even
in dreaming of a better tomorrow, but in truth we are all dreamers and doers
and not meant to only “om” in centeredness, but hope and dream and suffer and
succeed, and pass Go to get the $ 200 bucks, the week right after we went broke
and landed in jail. The idea here is of
course that Life is a process, and a never ending adventure of trials and
tribulations, and at the core of “moving forward”, is dreaming.
What are your dreams? I
dream of a Life surrounded by Love, being happy, being healthy, and living with
Love, happiness, and health for a very long time. If I had a genie to grant me
just one wish I would remind her that in the fine print it says that one wishes
can be very long words.
My one wish is: livingsurroundedbylovehappinesshealthforaverylongtime.
I also asked her for the key
to Barbie’s bedroom, a bottomless bucket of money, and a new Ferrari every
year, but she said not to push my luck. In my life I have dreamt of doing many
things, having many things, accomplishing many things, and being many things,
and I am so disappointed to say that I have actually become or had or realized
only a tiny fraction of these things. Poo Poo. The cool part is that I am a
proverbial double Pisces, idealistic, a professional dreamer, and so after
having at least a hundred sincere dreams a day for the last almost fifty years,
you have to use exponents to calculate how much joyous calories are expended by
me in dreaming. Dreaming of the future and all the amazing things that I will
be and do and have and accomplish is sex for me, and I “do it” a lot. Hell yeah.
The amazing statistics of me
include being one of the world’s greatest failures. I have such a long string of attempted and
failed dreams to cause one to think that I actually have a problem here, since
I actually do have a problem here. Of the no less than many millions of dreams
that I have dreamt for myself, I have actually attempted or begun hundreds at
least, and of all those the vast majority are just embarrassments and failures
and food for mocking from others. I take
a lot of heat from family and friends and Life for having hundreds of debacles
and “now what’s” and “not agains”, but my list of amazing accomplishments
ranges in the dozens. The people that
are my critics dreamt a couple of dozen, and attempted several, and failed
amazingly only a few of those. And they
have each have a couple major dream accomplishments. The point is not stats or ratios, but that
you don’t go anywhere, or do anything, or have anything, or be anybody, without
dreaming.
You might think that
dreaming is simply, “there’s nothing to it but to do it!” Or you might think that accomplishing dreams
is like arithmetic, or baking. This plus
that, over some more oomph, divided by luck equals the square root of blah
blah. Or a dash of this and a bunch of
that with just the right amount of leavener, during slow bake, is surely the
recipe. The truth is that the prime ingredient for success in dream fulfillment
is our very self, and the surefire way for us to fail our dreams and never get
anything or go anywhere is our very self.
How bizarre. We are the heroes and yet our own villains, we are the
winning army, and we are our own worst enemies. It seems like dream fulfillment
is more about our own self dynamic and the relationship between hope and will,
and the resistance to hope and will. How bizarre again.
Dreams are most certainly
mental and imaginative translations of the heart. Anyone who dreams, and dreams wel,l and dreams
big, can feel a warm glow and a tingle, from the tips of their toes, through
their genitals, right into the heart.
Dreams are emotions that manifest into form, and dreams are ideas that
originate in feeling, then get directed by thought, and them manifested in
blood, sweat, and tears. Dreams are wonderful, full, heart-mind-body
experiences, and they represent who we are, who we were meant to be, who we
trying to be. Dream fulfillment relates entirely to our emotional life, to our
emotional health, and to our very core selves.
It is clear that people who are emotionally alive, emotionally healthy,
and connected to their core selves are prodigious dream accomplishers. It makes perfect sense. It is clear that people that are emotionally
cut off from life, people who are emotionally unhealthy, people who have lost
their real selves and are cut off from their true meaning and ability, are
crippled dream accomplishers.
The very best way to
accomplish a dream starts with having the dream to begin with. Most of us feel unable and unworthy of
dreaming, especially those of us who have suffered so much as children, and who
have had to make a career out of accepting disappointment and unhappiness.
These people are severely, emotionally damaged. The next step is to move
towards implementation, and most of us have more road blocks and hurdles and
cants then we have juice to move forward.
These people are severely emotionally damaged. The next step is action, and reaction, and
double adapt and persevere reaction to the reaction, with the single mindedness
of simply: “I can, and I will, because I want it, and because I can, and
because I will”. All of us hit a brick
wall here, and few of us really can go around it or over it in a healthy
way. We are all emotionally damaged to
one degree or another.
The most assured way to
accomplish a dream is long term deep feeling therapy, where we grieve and heal
our wounded and damaged, emotional selves. We don’t really need to plan and hem
and haw and buy nails and hammers and run and even go through all our drama and
histrionics for years on end. If we
spent that time purposefully crying and grieving for why we are so self
conflicting and histrionic in the first place, in the last month of the process
we would simply write our memoirs, win the Nobel prize, and use the money to
hire a carpenter.
I dream of a world of
healthy people that dream of a world of healthy people, that all have genies to
grant them:
livingsurroundedbylovehappinesshealthforaverylongtime.
And I dream that your genie,
since mine is being obstinate, will still grant me the key to Barbie’s bedroom,
and my bucket of money, and my new Ferrari.
I told you I was a dreamer.
See you tomorrow.
yourpersonalmuse@gmx.com
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