Day 139- The Giving Of Self In Love

Musings From The Heart

An Essay A Day For A Year

By Roe

Day 139 May 18, 2012

The Giving Of Self In Love

It is said that generosity is not giving what you can spare, but giving what you cannot do without.  When we give of ourselves, it costs us, and our cost and sacrifice is our gift of self. When we give our self to others, no matter what the sacrifice and cost, we still benefit from this gift, and thus it is said that there is no such thing as a selfless act. Whether our gift of self is a selfless or selfish act, the measure of our life in a heart sense is the impact that we have upon others, and upon all Life in general. It is possible to have a loving impact upon others and all Life in both selfish and seemingly selfless acts. All hearts of all people innately contain the measure of Love, and how all acts, selfish and otherwise, affect us and others.

When we love others, and when we are in Love, we are rarely actually loving others, or in Love, in the pure sense of Love.  We are instead defending ourselves in Love, and maintaining ourselves in Love, and fortifying and bolstering ourselves in Love.  To love others, we must be giving of our self in Love, and when we love purely it is a sacrifice and it costs us. The beauty of the sacrifice of Love is that Love self- propagates, loving is a process that auto engenders. The very process of truly loving plants seeds of Love that grow into more sacrifice and cost that Love more seeds. 

When we love and love others we tend to drink from the cup of Love, we tend to need Love, we tend to love how we are loved, and love the way Love is, we tend to call Love the feeling of Love, rather than the gift of Love. We can easily feel in Love when someone loves us, for Love is a glowing feeling, just like we can easily feel warm by sitting next to a fire. When we sit next to a fire that is loving us with its warmth, what are we giving to the fire?  What is our gift to and sacrifice to the fire that is consuming itself to warm us? Sitting next to a fire is not warming, it is getting warm, and being with a person loving us is not necessarily loving, it is getting Love.

When we love someone, what is it costing us and what are we sacrificing?  And if we are sacrificing and if it is costing us, what are we getting out of it?  If we feel the pride and goodness of our acts or feelings, if we get our brownie points or God points, or recognition points, we are not truly loving, but instead feeding ourselves and our egos and our needs.  Nevertheless, despite our hidden, selfish, self-serving acts of seeming Love, the resonance of our acts in receipt by others, and in gratitude and return from others, is in fact the true beauty of Love.  Love is meant to be selfish and self-serving, for we are in fact Love, and when we express ourselves for our own purposes in acts of Love, we travel down a one way street. When we love selfishly we are broadcasting Love nonetheless, and those that receive and feel our gestures create the resonance of Love, and Love then becomes a two way street.  Love is a resonance that travels to and fro, and it Love is not pure Love unless it is reciprocated back and forth.

When we say, “I need you”, “I want you”, “I can’t live without you”, we are not saying, “I love you”.  Actual Love is an island that reciprocates a joyous, yet challenging breeze back and forth across to another adjacent island, and both islands exist in completion and independence without each other, while still loving being together.  An island does not need another island, and island does not want another island, and an island can definitely live without another island. The beauty of Love is that the sum of two parts of Love, the complement of two secure and complete persons, is an infinite expansion of the possibilities of self, and of Love. Our selves do need and do want and and we love to need, we love to want, and we don’t want to live without Love. We in fact cannot live without Love, and once again, the resonance of Love becomes Love itself, the very sound of Ping and Pong going across the net invents the game of Ping-Pong.  Love is a Ping-Pong of loving.

We are all meant to love truly, and our Nature is true Love. Our nurture of how we were gestated and born and how we imprinted on our parents and others, our nurture of how our childhoods play out determines how exactly how we love and will be loved.  If our  parents are sick, if our parents are not loving,  if our parents did not give us love and if our parents did not give their selves though sacrifice and cost, we will be Love deficient, and we cannot fulfill our deficiencies in our adulthoods through other people, no matter what we do.  If our parents depended on us or made us dependent on them, we were not given Love but instead were cannibalized. Parents that sacrifice their lives through working and buying and doing “things” for our benefits are not giving Love or their selves. Children only want hugs and play and attention of heart, and they care not for all the supposed sacrifices that are in fact avoidances of giving self and Love by their parents.

Parents that give of self and Love to their children spend time directly with their children, they appreciate and welcome and respect and approve of their child directly, and the cost and sacrifice of parenting is to share time and self with their child who is sharing time and self with their parent, which is the beauty of pure and true Love. Parenting is meant to be Love, not expectations and conditions, and parenting is meant to be a resonance of spirits, not a hierarchy of possession and need and using.  We learn how to love from our parents, and our faulty parents produce our own faulty Love when we turn into parents. In adulthood we are able to truly love if we were truly loved as children, and we are able to give of self depending on how our parents gave of self to us during our childhood. In adulthood we are able to be truly generous, to give what we cannot do without, depending on the level of generosity that we received from our parents during our childhoods.

Typical parenting is the giving of what can be spared, and what is priceless and precious, the actual self of the parent, what is seemingly impossible to do without, since the parent has very little of that themselves, is withheld, exactly like the parents of the parent withheld the same.  Typical parenting is as one way street, the street of the parent needing the child, wanting the child, and seemingly unable to live without the child, all signs of actually feeding off of the Love of the child, warming by the fire of the child, and in actuality not giving to the child.  If the parent gives to the child truly the child gives back truly, such is the beauty of childhood, and the give-give of Love promotes and provokes the warm fire of the mutual glow of true self sacrificing Love directly with the child.

We must all examine ourselves and our lives.  Who is sucking from whom, who is providing the gelatin of one way Love to be sucked?  Who is in true, resonant, independent-island Love with whom, and which breeze is in actuality blowing only one way?  What is it really costing us to Love?  How convenient is it to be warmed, but not warm others? How do we get off on the process of loving without actually loving? How healthy are we to give and receive true Love, and that will tell us how healthy or unhealthy our parents were and are to have enabled us to Love so beautifully, or crippled us to Love so selfishly, if at all.  Is our Love sound?  We should be able to say, “I don’t need you, but I really like to be with you!”  “I don’t really need you, but I sure want to Love you!”  “I can live without you, but I’m so happy to Love you with me!”  The true beauty of the resonance of Love is to hear back, “me too!, me too!, and lots more me too’s!”

To all that love and are loved (everyone), I wish you a life full of saying and hearing, “I love you”, and “me too!”  I wish you a life of giving your real self to your children, sitting on the floor, eye to eye, just saying, “I love you”, and hearing back, ‘I love you too!” If you haven’t done that or said that to your child today, now is the time, no matter what the cost or sacrifice.  Plant the seed of Love and it will be replanted.

See you tomorrow.

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