Musings
From The Heart
An
Essay A Day For A Year
By
Roe
Day
143 May 22, 2012
Forever
In Love
Part 1
Part 1
What is Love? That must be the most asked question in
history since the advent of consciousness, which is an irony, since
consciousness is Love. It seems like
Love is chasing its own tail. Love is the energy that promotes and markets the
universe, Love is the twinkle in the night and the dark space in between, and
Love is the synergy, the synaptic energy of Life and Being. Our most delicious Love is romantic and
sexual Love. If it were not for romantic and sexual Love, we would not be
conscious, and if we were not conscious we would still “be” Love, but not “in”
Love.
It is an interesting idea to
“fall in Love”, since we “are” Love already.
Technically and theoretically and psychically Love is all things, and we
are all connected, and we are therefore all in Love with each other. Romantic
and sexual Love, the kind that we say we “fall” in, is a distinct kind of Love,
it is a Love that is not only the core Love of procreation and survival, it is
the original Love in the sense of Mommy and Daddy and their Love that brought
us into being.
When we “fall in Love”, in
actuality we are “falling in nostalgic childhood imprint with Mommy and Daddy
and how they loved each other and how each of them loved us”. It is much faster to just say fall in Love.
Our prototype original experience of Love, both for the right and healthy
reasons and the wrong and unhealthy reasons, are imprinted in our hearts and
psyches during our womb life, during our births, and during the critical first
hours and days and weeks after birth.
How very interesting that our romantic and sexual Loves are determined
by times and events long forgotten in our memories, and long repressed due to
the trauma that these events and this time represents. Most of us if not all of
us feel that we are unique and different and we feel that we are finding a
partner that is nothing like our Moms and Dads, when in fact we are all
consciously or unconsciously simply recreating the joy and pain of our
babyhoods and childhoods.
We are of course distinct
spirits, born with our own unique personalities and genealogical, bio-physical,
and psycho-emotional predispositions. We
all will of course “hook up” with our other halves, our supposed soul mates,
our conjugal partners, and of course we fall in Love with how we synch or jive
or resonate with the unique predispositions of our Lovers and spouses. But in
our girlfriends and boyfriends and wives and husbands, right there in front of
us, obvious or hidden, is Mommy and Daddy and how we were loved by Mommy and
Daddy or how we loved them.
Even though we “are” Love,
we can still “fall in Love”, just like we fell in Love as babies and children
when we were born and grew up. When we
come of age we have Nature’s billion years of survival and propagation fueling
us, we have the celestial search for our other missing half, and we have the
limbic-cortical, the feeling-thinking memory imprint of how much we were loved
by Mommy and Daddy, how much we loved them, and a detailed accounting of
everything that went right and went wrong in our young Love lives.
When we fall in Love we seek
to recreate all that went right in our baby and childhoods, and bask in
returning to the joy of Love, but we also seek to recreate all that went wrong
in our baby and childhoods, and then correct and amend and relive these times
again to get it right. Unfortunately you
cannot fix in the present what when awry in the past, and no male or female in
the present, no lover or spouse, can ever fill in the gaps or pains of Mommy
and Daddy from our childhoods. We commonly fall in Love with the wrong people
in an attempt to fix them and correct them and change them, but in fact we fall
in Love with the right people, because we simply fall in Love with the proxies
and effigies and resonances of our Mommy and Daddy.
You cannot fall out of Love
or stop loving a person. We are Love to
begin with, and then we are Love to end with, and all there is, . . is Love, so Love is all there is. In terms of romantic and sexual Love, when
you fall in Love with a person you are in Love for Life, no different than
being a child of Mommy or Daddy in Love for life. Love doesn’t start or end, Love doesn’t make
a mistake, Love doesn’t go on and off like a switch, you can’t give Love and
then take it back, you can’t feel Love and then change your mind, you can’t be
a lover and then not a lover, and you can’t change Love from one thing to
another, and Love does not wane or die.
The opposite of Love is not
hate, the opposite of Love is Love, and hate is just angry Love. The opposite
of Love is not indifference, for indifference is just Love that is hiding. Once you feel Love and are in Love, you feel
Love and are in Love, and though you may feel a thousand things that are
variations of Love, defenses from Love, manipulations of Love, denials of Love,
forgetfulness and amnesia of Love, Love is still the same as it always was,
Love is loving and so are you. Love may be painful and difficult and trying and
challenging and untenable and unable and unwilling and rebellious and
vindictive and grudging and retaliatory and sad and sorry, but Love is still
trying to love and so are you. Love is
always trying to find its primordial other half and Love is always trying to come
home to the joy and agony of Mommy and Daddy. Once a person has entered into
our hearts and minds as resonances of our baby and childhoods and Mommy and
Daddy, we fall in Love, and we never, never, never fall back out, no less or
more than we stop loving our Mommies and Daddies, which is impossible.
To all those people and
girlies especially that I have ever loved, I say that I love you still, and I
always will, despite the fact that I may be in pain or regret or anger or
denial or indifference of our Love. I
meant Love then and I mean Love now, but that doesn’t mean that my or our Love was
meant to continue face to face or arm to arm or genital to genital or sperm to
egg. I did not make a mistake, and I do not regret bungling up my Love, or having
it bungled up at or for me. Love knows what it is doing, and I trust Love, for
if I did not trust Love I could not “be” Love, and I most certainly am Love,
just like you are. Love is for better or for worse, till’ death do us part, and
how marvelously lovely is that? What
else is there to do on this beautiful and harrowing blue planet out in the
middle of nowhere, but “be” Love, and joyously and agonizingly fall in Love forever.
See you tomorrow.
yourpersonalmuse@gmx.com
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