An Essay A Day For A Year
By Roe
Day 35 February 4, 2012
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Today I want to write my definition of Love. I really like when people write definitions of Love, since they are always right. Love is all there is. I also don’t like reading people’s definitions of Love since they so often fall short of Love. My favorite definition of Love is couple-dumb. Just ask anybody how dumb they can be when they are coupled in Love and they will tell you. I am proud to tell you that I have been in couple-dumb love for more than 20 years, and I offer you my best dumb definition of Love.
For many, many, many millions of years Mother and Father Nature have given us a free-for-all ritual of mating and procreation, but only relatively recently do we have exclusive couple Love. I have my beautiful couple girl, and she is my couple girl and not yours. She has me as her own exclusive couple boy, and I am hers and not yours. When we vowed to each other we swore to have all our dreams come true, and give each other all the things that we dreamed of giving and having. Duh. But when we devoted to each other we also inherited all the things in and with each other that we prayed and hoped we would never get. Despite everyone knowing this, we all can’t help piling upon one another to get to the couple-dumb alter.
Being in couple-dumb Love is like having the latest model airplane glue. You know that it is really good smelling, but toxic, and you just can’t help smelling it, even though you get a headache. We spend all our waking and sleeping time dreaming of being in perfect couple-dumb Love, and we then sniff until we get a headache again and wonder what we have gotten ourselves into. You just end up being stuck like glue to your beautiful model, sniffing away with a headache. Just ask the alpha wolf pair or the lobsters what it is like to spend the rest of your life together.
I love my couple girl more than I could express, and yet she can drive me crazy more and better than anything I know, alive or dead, living creature or object. When I just can’t take the difficulty and challenges anymore I imagine myself to be in Born Free, and I long to prowl the savanna looking for lots of young lionesses to court and mount. Just when I get ready to bolt or hide or I end up remembering that Ma and Pa Nature are grinning at me, and I remember that they too are in couple-dumb Love. I remember the amazing and ecstatic toxic pain and pleasure of the last 20 years, and I am reminded not only of how I couldn’t bear to lose any of it, but worse the idea of having to repeat it all again. Even the sexiest cat on the savanna would still be 20 years behind my couple-girl in 20 years of repeating and catching up, so I end up sitting back down in my smelly but difficult Love glue.
I often go to sleep with a plan of how to avoid the headache of exclusive Love over a lifetime with a human female. But then every morning I awake with that same dumb Love smile on my face. To my couple girl and Mom and Pop nature I want to say thank you for sticking with me, and thanks for offering me all of your selves. I really like all the things that I like so much. But also to my couple girl and to Mom and Pop Nature I want to say that I hate you for how difficult it is to Love exclusively including all it’s dumb-ness. I really hate the things that I hate so much. If it weren’t for the glue I wouldn’t ever get through most things.
Couple-dumb Love is about growing together and changing together, it’s about evolving together and healing together, and it’s about living together. You simply cannot grow or change or evolve or heal alone like you can with your own lioness or lion. And since Ma and Pa Nature figured out how to Love exclusively, we are not supposed to be alone. If the pasture is so green out there, why are all the lionesses looking at me, and why are all the lions looking at my beautiful couple-dumb-kitty. Everyone wants to be in couple-dumb Love.
“So do you Roe, solemnly swear to be stuck with your one and only lioness, no matter what, without conditions or expectations whatsoever, for the rest of your life, despite the fact that she will remain your most ecstatic headache?” Anyone that would say yes is a nut, and you and I and we are all nuts, and we fall all over ourselves to be nutty with our girls and boys. I contain within me all that is worthy and good, and I hereby offer it to you my beauty, and I want all from you that is worthy and good too. Duh. But my girl is full of trauma and sorrow and unfulfilled needs, and so am I. We chose each other not just to exchange all the obvious joys, but to act to and upon and within each other to the point of insanity and hatred, and miraculously get past and over our individual shortcomings and problems.
At the end of the rainbow of couple-dumb Love is enlightenment. It takes one sperm and one egg to produce one of us crazy dumb Lovers, who have two crazy dumb parents in Love, and we repeat. In couple-dumb we are two unique and independent souls exchanging everything in a pact of Love, and in true Love, just like true couple-dumb, anything goes. I know very well that my couple-girl Loves me and struggles with me just like I do her, and that ultimately she chooses day after day after day to sit back down in our toxic-ecstatic growing glue and keep on living and loving. That, Mother and Father Nature, and all Lovers everywhere, is the best definition of Love I know.
See you tomorrow.
yourpersonalmuse@gmx.com
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