Musings
From The Heart
An
Essay A Day for A Year
By
Roe
Day
148 May 27, 2012
The
Only Way To Find Happiness
Part
1
I want so much to be happy
and I know that you want so much to be happy too. Since we all want so much to be happy, we
really need to find out what that is and how we can get it. As we all have learned, being happy is not as easy
or simple as just wanting it. We are all
so dependent on our environment and other people for our happiness, and we are
all victimized by circumstances that rob us of our happiness, that we are all
rarely truly happy. We all feel and say:
“I will be happy when . . . “, and sadly
the “when” never comes, or remains a fleeting or unfulfilled need. Many of us are professional projectors of “I
will be happy when”, and when that “when” comes, we have already projected many
new “whens” that keep us yearning and searching for happiness.
Perhaps it is a cliché, but
happiness can only come from within. Clichés have a habit of being incredibly
true, maybe that is how they became cliché’s.
If we are miserable within, or if we are miserable without, nothing on
the outside or no person or circumstance will ever make us happy. If we are happy within, then virtually every
person or circumstance on the outside can make us happy. How obvious this all seams, and yet we all
project our needs for happiness on people and circumstances outside of
ourselves. That is very strange, and if
we are ever to understand happiness or find any semblance of happiness, we must
ask ourselves why we avoid our inner selves when it comes to happiness.
Happiness from within means
that our hearts are happy, and having a happy heart means that the very
beginnings of our lives were happy. The beginning of our lives is called the
imprint of our lives, and if our imprints are happy and our babyhoods and
childhoods are happy, we will be happy people. A happy imprint and a happy beginning
means that we had happy gestations inside our Mommies, it means that we had
happy births, and it means that we had happy babyhoods. It is simply impossible to be a happy person
and have a happy life if we are carrying sad and traumatic and tragic memories
around in our conscious and unconscious psyches, and the problem is that we
cannot remember these terrible traumas. We
are all carrying sad and traumatic and tragic memories around in our conscious
and unconscious minds from our births and our imprints, and struggling for
happiness is therefore our standard human paradigm. It is no coincidence that we are all striving
for happiness when we have all suffered catastrophic fetal abuse while in the
womb and during our births. We have all
imprinted terror and distress as our primal imprints as a result of sadistic hospital
birthing practices and ignorant and inept medical care and awful parenting. We
have all suffered as a result of our parents not being able to feel their own
natural loving parenting feelings as a result of being seriously wounded
themselves. Being a loving, caring parent is a natural human trait, that is
unless you are severely wounded as a baby and child, and then the natural trait
is lost. All of our parents are terribly wounded people. If we are unhappy
people then we did not have loving and caring parents. We must be very careful
to not make ourselves guilty and responsible for our own problems while our
parents, the guilty parties, are worshipped and forgiven, before we have
grieved for what happened to us. Our
parents are guilty for having failed to be happy themselves, and for failing to
provide for happy beginnings and a happy childhood for us.
To want to be happy is the
most basic of human consciousness needs.
We all spend our whole lives searching for and needing happiness, and
virtually every minute of every day is a search for happiness. We know when we are happy, and we have all
rarely ever felt real happiness. The
only times in our lives when we felt real happiness is when the persons and
events that we needed to feel happy happened to be present or line up with our
primal needs and the imprints of our lives. We all know very well when we are
not happy, and right now, this very minute, we long for people and things that will make us happier than we are,
we long once again for our needs to line up with the persons and events that we
think will make us happy. Since no
person or circumstance can really make us happy, and since we know that we must
be happy within to be happy right now, we know that we must face ourselves
within, and yet we all do everything in our power never to face our inner
selves.
When we avoid our inner
selves, where the problems are, we are being defensive, we fear the repressed
pain of what happened to us more than we fear the unhappiness plaguing us, and
we therefore purposely maintain ourselves unhappy so that we never have to face
the unthinkable pain that tore our psyches into our two conscious and
unconscious pieces. This catastrophic primal pain, so terrible as to cause a
psychological rift in our brains and hearts and divide us into two distinct
selves, our conscious selves and our unconscious selves, causes us to feel that
our unconscious self is the plague within us, and we feel that knowing this
plague will simply be too much for us and will kill us. Like the underwater hull
of a gigantic ship traveling through the seas, the vast majority of our selves
are hidden below the surface of the water, and we are terrified to find out
what is down there. Even when we happen to feel happy, when the current moment
gives us exactly what we want, below the surface of our consciousness we are
screaming and needing and in fear, we are longing and doubting and
suffering. As long as our selves below
the surface of the water are in pain, we are in pain, and we will never truly
be happy.
The truth is, these
catastrophic primal pains would have killed us as needy infants dependent on
our parents, but today, feeling and integrating these traumas and deprivations and
unfulfilled needs are absolutely essential in order for us to heal, and in
order for us to be happy. These
catastrophic pains were caused by our parents directly or indirectly, and in order
for us to truly be happy, we must brave to really meet our own ignorant and
inept parents that traumatized us, or allowed us to be traumatized, we must
meet the parents that deprived us, and we must meet the parents that failed to
meet our needs as fetuses and newborns and as children. In order for us to meet these parents that
traumatized us we must feel the feelings of trauma and the feelings of
deprivation and the feelings of unfulfilled needs, and we must do this at the
time and place when it all happened, and every microsecond of what happened to
us is still kept alive and ready to heal in our unconscious psyches, and these
are the pains that are preventing our happiness in the present. There is no
feared plague within us, only our wounded childhood selves longing to be happy.
To be continued tomorrow in
part 2.
See you tomorrow.
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