Musings
From The Heart
An
Essay A Day For A Year
By
Roe
Day
156 June 4, 2012
“Why
Do I Always Fall In Love With The Wrong Woman
Part
2
Females and males that are
constantly attracted to and fall in Love with toxic and issue laden and fucked
up mates are females and males that are toxic and issue laden and fucked up
themselves, and the buzz of attraction and the buzz of Love is sexualized pain
and sexualized defensiveness reciprocated between both partners. It is of
course hot and heavy and passionate and living and loving on the back of an
exciting, bucking bull, but the hot,
hopeful Love felt is simply a fetish of sating oneself on unconscious pain so
as not to ever feel the real pain of being trampled by Mommie bull or Daddie
bull. And so we defend ourselves from
the fear of bucking bulls by being attracted to them and riding them and
believing that we love it. The Love felt
is also the hope and risk and fetish of being able to ride out the incensed
bull and in the end have a sweet calf that loves only us, forever and ever.
This is not Love, but fetish based self-deprecation of a hopeful and injured
child simply repeating their own sad and abusive childhoods by being in
relationships with sad and abusive replacements for their own sad and abusive
parents.
Any female that has ever
been abused in any way by their male, or drawn into drama and painful issues of
his, did exactly 50% of their own part to bring pain and doom upon
themselves. Any female that returns for
more abuse from a neurotic, sick male in pain is simply back with her abusive,
neurotic, sick Daddy, and she is therefore an abusive, neurotic, sick female
that is getting off on her martyrdom, just like she experienced as a child. All couples rival each other and rebel
against each other and deny each other and egg each other on and provoke each
other and poke at and hurt each other, and on and on, just like their Mommies
and Daddies did to each other, and just like their Mommies and Daddies did to
them.
We are not attracted to and
don’t fall in Love with persons with whom we feel no attraction, no buzz, no
allure, no WOW!, and no YIKES, and attraction and buzz and WOW! And YIKES is
sexual, and sexual on the light and dark side.
Women make Love to the good men that they love, but women fuck the bad
men that they hate, and men make Love to the good women that they love and fuck
the bad women that they hate. A lot can be learned from a relationship by
paying attention to whether the sex is loving or fucking. The perfect person
for us, meaning loving and supportive and elevating and true, does not even
show up on our radar when we are fucked up, and this great person also does not
register a fuck up like us. Why would we and why would they? Cobras attract weasels, and eventually one
must die. Cobras do not attract koala bears, and weasels do not attract
butterflies. No sweet and good woman has ever attracted or fell in Love with an
asshole, and no good and devoted man has ever been attracted to or fell in Love
with a bitch. We only get what we need and ask for and expect, and wrong can
only equate with wrong, and issues can only beget issues.
Love relationships are about
sex and mating and procreation, and if we do not feel sexy or sucky-fucky with
our opposite sex it is doubtful that we will ever fall in Love with them, or ever
realize that they are the right or “wrong” ones. Romantic Love relationships are and are meant
to be visceral, genital, sexualized displays of power and attraction and degradation
and repulsion, and most commonly fucked up people fall in “repulsion” with
their opposite sex, yet feel it as Love, and this is a recreation of childhood.
Women fall in Love with biker dudes and
bruiser dudes and adventurers and mongers, and men fall in Love with tatted
chicks and promiscuous girls and wild girls and sluts, and then we all spend
the rest of our relationships trying to change our partners into just the
opposite, as if we can turn Mommy or Daddy around and make everything better
again. This is not Love but living
childhood pain as a fetish of adult excitement and hope for happiness, through
other people as proxies. No person can ever fulfill our childhood needs or fix
our childhood problems, and when we strive to make ourselves happy or fulfill
our lives through our false Loves and Lovers, we are most definitely wrong, and
we will only attract and fall in Love with the wrong ones.
The beautiful irony of
beautiful Love, is that there is no such thing as the wrong Love or wrong
person for us. If we are attracted to
someone and fall in Love with them, they are the right ones for us, and we have
just recreated our childhood paradigm, and we have just created a miraculous
looking glass into our childhood hope and joy and childhood trauma and
deprivation that potentially can take us all the way back to our pure and
healthy selves. Our lovers and mates are
meant to be our triggers and transferences and proxies, that is what
soulmate-dom is about and for, and that is true Love when we can realize that
we became attracted to and fell in Love with an abusive loser in pain, and we
then realize that we ourselves must be abusive losers in pain, and we resolve
to get to better times together with our mates, something Mommy and Daddy on
both sides failed to do.
The goal and beauty of Love
is to be able to survive the pain and abuse, and be able to heal and grow, and
be able to overcome and prevail. But this requires both lovers and mates to be
on the same page, with the same humility and devotion, with the same hope and
dream of surviving and improving. The
failure of all relationships always boils down to the motive and intent of both
parties, and the dissolution of all relationships rests upon the realization that both persons
are in pain, but one or the other or both are unwilling or disinterested in
healing and repair. The only possibility
that pain turns to “wrong person” and separation and grudges and resentment is
either that we were never in Love to begin with, or that our own “wrong” or the “wrong” of our mates is too large to
be able to face and heal the pain or problems.
It is time that we all
say: “”Why am I always the wrong person
for the ones that love me?” Blaming
fucked up people that we are attracted to and fall in Love with, as if we are
innocent or victims, is self-deprecation and abusive, so we must realize that
we are using and abusing innocent victims for our own games of personal
neurosis, and they are the doing the same with us. Any person with problems of Love of any kind
had parents with problems with Love, and if we go back far enough, we are all
innocent and victimized children traumatized and deprived by our parents. Let us not continue to repress or hide the
fact that the real original “wrong” man was Daddy, and the original “wrong”
woman was Mommy. The prototype for
asshole and monger and bitch and slut are Daddy and Mommy, and our attractions
and mates in the present are simply recreations and triggers and transferences
and proxies, and actually innocent.
It is time that we accept
that we have suffered as children, and that our faulty parents are responsible.
Our Daddies have hurt us far deeper than any man ever could in our adult lives,
and a very, very long time ago. Our
Daddy’s performance will exactly predict and determine our future ability with
men, and if we have issues with loser men, let us know and decide to heal the
loser Daddy in our histories, and take the rage and hate and blame and judgment
off of our lovers and mates in the present, and take responsibility for our own
wrongness that was caused by our Daddy who preceded our supposed wrong man. Our Mommies have hurt us far deeper than any
woman ever could in our adult lives, and a very, very long time ago. Our
Mommy’s performance will exactly predict and determine our future ability with
women, and if we have issues with loser women, let us know and decide to heal
the loser Mommy in our histories, and take the rage and hate and blame and
judgment off of our lovers and mates in the present, and take responsibility
for our own “wrongness” that was caused by our Mommy who preceded our supposed
wrong woman.
Our only hope for true Love
with the right person with whom we will spend the rest of our lives happily
together with is to bring knowing and recognition of our own neurosis and
psychological and emotional trauma and deprivation at the hand of our Mommies
and Daddies into our consciousness, and then set about healing ourselves by
crying and grieving and mourning the tragedies of our childhoods. When we are healthy and whole and happy again
within ourselves, all of a sudden we as butterflies will attract and fall in
Love with other butterflies, and we as koalas will attract and fall in Love
with other koalas. That would be a very
nice thing for us lovers, and for our families and children and world. The only thing standing in our way is our own
beautiful, healing tears, tears that will bring us home to ourselves, and tears
that will bring us to our right person to love.
See you tomorrow
yourpersonalmuse@gmx.com
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