Musings
From The Heart
An Essay A Day For A Year
By Roe
Day 159
June 7, 2012
The Infamous Grudge Fuck
Part 2
Both women and men can be
sexually rebellious and sexually vengeful and sexually promiscuous, and both
men and women can be sexually liberated and sexually active and slutty, but all
men and women who engage in sex outside of Love, and without emotional interest
and personal investment in the other person, are simply grudge fucking someone
else through the person they are with.
Grudge fucking is sex driven by pain in the unconscious as a defense
from primal catastrophic pain, and in effect we get off perversely and
promiscuously on that which has hurt us in our babyhoods. Modern, liberal sexuality, where we change
partners often, and where we have sex with many partners without actual Love,
is not free, consensual, liberal, liberated natural and normal sex, it is
unconsciously rebelling against and grudge fucking our parents, and all the
people in our pasts that imprinted our warped sexualities. “Take that Mommy! Boom boom!” “Take that Daddy! Boom boom!”
Slut, bitch, cunt, whore, asshole, monger, dick, jerk, these are the labels
for Mommy and Daddy, and the anger we feel towards them sexually, and we say
them to other people and use other people to get off on our sexualities without
knowing or admitting that they represent Mommy and Daddy to us, and we don’t
realize that we use people as weapons and tools against Mommy and Daddy.
When we realize why we are
fucking and who we are really fucking and fucking over we can finally really
enjoy our dark sex, for we can bring our minds and hearts and dicks and pussies
all together onto the same page. “Take
that Mommy, you bitch and slut! Boom
boom!” Take that Daddy you asshole and
monger! Boom boom!’ Normally, when we finally bring conscious
that we are being grudge fucking sluts and using and being used by grudge
fucking sluts against our parents in the guise of sexual freedom and sexual,
liberal expression, we stop our fucking and our hearts begin to look for real Love
on our own terms, rather than in reaction and rebellion and vengeance towards
our parents. Unfortunately that is when
the repressed pain shifts costumes, and the sexy slut turns into the mean bitch,
the charming monger turns into the mean asshole, and the pain surfaces instead
in personality and mistreatment of others outside of sexuality, rather than in
the sexuality. When this happens we have not really accomplished anything since
we didn’t heal our pain or process or integrate our pain, we just shifted gears
out of the sexual realm into the behavior realm. We can also be grudging meanies as
personalities also in revenge and rebellion against our parents, and not
realize that that is not us.
Women do not fuck the men
they like, they fuck the men that they are rebelling with and acting out with, against their
parents as a personal shock therapy against self in defensive survival, and as
a personal shock therapy to harm their Daddies and Mommies. Men do not fuck the
women they like, they fuck the women that they are rebelling with and acting
out with, against their parents as a personal shock therapy against self in
defensive survival from primal pain, and as a shock therapy to harm their
Mommies and Daddies.
The tragedy of the heart for
us all is when we roam around as men and women in free and liberal sexuality
with anyone and everyone, and then suddenly find that we are falling or have
fallen in Love. In this way we begin our relationship grudge fucking our
parents by using our meaningless lovers, and our meaningless lovers are using
us to grudge fuck their own parents, and our hearts are forever galvanized to
wonder whether our partners are in fact really sluts, or if the slutty grudge
fucking was just a unique event, and they are forever wondering if we in fact
are real sluts, or if our initial slutty grudge fucking was just a unique
event. How will we ever know what Love
is and who loves who when we enter into relationships grudge fucking our
parents by using our lovers for sex, and being used for sex, when we fall in
Love afterwards. The unique conundrum here is that we are all sluts, and we are
all chaste lovers, for sluthood and grudge fucking is completely natural and
normal, and the actual paradigm of human sexuality.
All males are fucked up by
their fucked up parents and foolish to believe that the bad girl slut is for
fucking, while they are looking for their one and only wifey-mommie, who of
course cannot be a slut, while they are in fact sluts themselves. Do men really
believe that there are two kinds of women? Men can’t bear the idea of their
women having had dozens or hundreds or even thousands of sexual partners, yet
they would and could have dozens or hundreds or even thousands of sexual women themselves
and not see a conflict, as long as they keep it secret. That is the definition
of a real slut male, a man with two sexual standards for two different kinds of
women, when there is actually just one kind of woman, while he has a double
standard as two males. That is the prototype asshole slut-Daddy that raises a
daughter with two different standards, he would fuck his best friends daughter
with all his buddies, but he doesn’t want his best friend fucking his daughter
with all his buddies. This Daddy later
gets summarily grudge fucked by his daughter fucking lots of other males in
anger and punishment for double dealing her.
All women are sluts and wifey-mommies to one extent or another, and
sluthood and grudge fucking are acts and events and not definitions of
personhood. In fact, the best wives and life-long female partners are ladies
who have a large amount and variety of sexual experience.
All females are fucked up by
their fucked up parents and foolish to believe that the bad boy slut man is for
fucking, while they are looking for their one and only hubbie-daddy, who of
course cannot be a slut, while they are in fact sluts themselves. Women can’t bear the idea of their men having
had dozens or hundreds or even thousands of sexual partners, yet they would and
could have dozens or hundreds or even thousands of sexual partners themselves
and not see a conflict, as long as they kept it secret. That is the definition
of a real slut female, a woman with two sexual standards for two different kinds
of men, when there is only one kind of man, while she has a double standard as
two females. That is the prototype bitch-slut Mommy that raises a son with two
standards, and who later gets grudge fucked by her son fucking lots of other
females in anger and punishment for double dealing him. All men are sluts and hubby-daddies to one
extent or another, and sluthood and grudge fucking are acts and events and not
definitions of personhood. In fact, the
best husbands and life-long male partners are men who have a large amount and
variety of sexual experience.
If we want to know real
love, and real making Love, let us all follow our hearts first, and then our
minds, and then our genitals last. Let
us love people and make love to people, and not grudge fuck people. That means that we don’t have sex unless we
have an emotional interest and personal investment in our lovers. Let us heal
ourselves and grieve and mourn our childhoods and repair the damage from our
slut and grudge fucking parents and what they did to us, consciously or
inadvertently unconsciously, and let us love our mates without bringing our
Mommies and Daddies into bed with us. It
does not matter whether the men and women that we love have had one or one
thousand fucks before us, it only matters that they have Love for only us, and
when they do, and when we do for them, let us give them our loving sexuality as
a gift, not as a grudge against our Mommies and Daddies. but as a gift of elevating
Love sexuality to each other.
See you tomorrow.
yourpersonalmuse@gmx.com
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