Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Day 107 - Will Swinging Save Or Destroy A Marriage? - Part 5


Musings From The Heart
An Essay A Day For A Year
By Roe
Day 107 April 16, 2012

Will Swinging Save Or Destroy A Marriage?
Part 5

Today’s essay is about the inherent lies, denials, manipulations, tricks, double-dealings, ignorances, false beliefs, and ridiculous ideas of the “Swinger” couple and the people that benefit or suffer from them, all of which contribute to the destruction of the marriage and relationship if the TRUTH is not faced.
Swinger statement or belief:
“All is well and good and acceptable and moral and OK in “modern” and “liberal” and “free” sexuality”. 
Truth to be faced in Swinging: 
Swinging is not “modern” sexuality.  Swinging has existed since long before the cave man and cave woman days. Swinging is simply traditional animal sexuality in coupledom, no less or no more than kitty in the alley with the males taking turns, and female doggy in heat surrounded by lots of other doggies.  “Liberal” sexuality can be harmful when it does not liberate the heart and soul, but instead harms Love and the human heart. “Free” sexuality is like all freedom, it comes at a very high, and very dangerous cost, and the benefits and repercussions do not necessarily support the Love of a child that grew up with hopes of the real fairy tale, which is exclusivity and naturally earned and balanced and welcomed and appreciated monogamy. In human sexuality, where there is emotional attachment and Love, and the original conjugal promise of exclusivity and monogamy, NOT everything is good, or acceptable, or moral, or OK. The human heart knows the truth, and the couple must tread very, very sensitively and honestly when entering into Swinging.  
Swingers that fuck other people are in effect fucking each other over, and if they know this and use it to get off on it and get each other off on it, it is very hot, and if they then face the pain afterwards, they can survive and evolve themselves and their marriage.  If the couple believes the     “All is well and good and acceptable and moral and OK in “modern” and “liberal” and “free” sexuality”.    lie without admitting the truth, then they fuck each other over successfully, and it will come out feeling like betrayal once the truth comes out, and this will destroy the relationship and marriage.
Swinger statement or belief:
“We are deeply in Love and devoted to each other and in a stable and solid and loving relationship, and we seek other like-minded individuals with whom we can expand our sexuality”.
Truth to be faced in Swinging:
Here is the accurate statement: “We are in Love but are bored with our relationship and sexuality and we want to stir things up.  We are doubting each other, and we want to get off on each other, and we want to test each other, and we want to use each other, and we want to get our jollies with and against each other, and we want to suck and fuck other people in deviant and nasty-kinky-weird-wild-wonderful-perverted-dirty-taboo ways because we know and admit that we are sexually screwed up like all people, and we like it and we admit it.  We seek other daring and courageous and honest sexual freaks that want to use us while we use you, for the sake of hot sex”.
Every child knows, and every child that grows up to be an adult with a healthy heart knows, that if you are in really in Love with each other in a healthy way and devoted to each other in a healthy way and stable with each other in a healthy way and solid with each other in a healthy way and in a real loving relationship in a healthy way, THAT YOU DON’T FUCK OTHER PEOPLE OR WANT YOUR LOVER TO FUCK OTHER PEOPLE.  
Swingers that fuck other people are in effect fucking each other over, and if they know this and use it to get off on it and get each other off on it, it is really hot, and if they then face the pain afterwards, there is a chance of saving and even evolving the marriage and relationship.  If the couple believes the    “We are deeply in Love and devoted to each other and in a stable and solid and loving relationship, and we seek other like-minded individuals with whom we can expand our sexuality”.   lie without admitting the truth, then they fuck each other over successfully, and it will come out feeling like betrayal once the truth comes out, and this will destroy the marriage and relationship.
Swinger statement or belief:
“We seek other cool and kind and respectful people to share good times with. We are not into games or drama or people with problems or issues.  We are looking for long term friends with benefits for erotic get togethers and good times.  We are into same room swapping for mutual erotic pleasure only”.
Truth to be faced in Swinging:
Swingers are engaging in sexual activity with other people and strangers that is inherently “not cool”, “not kind”, and  “not respectful”.  This doesn’t mean that Swingers or the people they fuck or that fuck them can’t have decent manners and behave themselves decently, although dark and deviant sexuality is hot because of the deviant attitudes.  Swinging is the ultimate deviant GAME of sexual POWER, and it is inherently full of DRAMA, and that is the thrill.  Every Swinger disrespects every Swinger every time they touch each other, and that is the name of the game, and what makes the deviant sex hot. Any man that does not think that when another man fucks his wife that he and her are not being disrespected definitely is in trouble.  Any woman that that does not think that she and her husband are being disrespected when her husband fucks another woman is in trouble.  Any person, male or female, that engages any Swinger couple or single that does not know that they are being used and disrespected, and using and disrespecting the Swingers has is seriously in trouble. All people have sexual problems and issues, and SWINGING IS ABOUT LIVING OUT SEXUAL PROBLEMS AND ISSUES.  Swinging is about living out the sexual disrespect for pleasure that happened to us as real disrespect as children by our parents.
There are no friends in Swinging, never have been, and never will be. A male friend does not put his mouth, cock, or asshole in the pussy, mouth, or asshole of his friend, or his friend’s husband or boyfriend or wife or girlfriend.  A friend does not sexually fuck a friend, or get fucked by a friend. A female friend does not put her mouth, pussy, or asshole anywhere near a friend of any kind, or the husband or boyfriend or wife or girlfriend of any friend of any kind.  The people that Swingers use are simply USED AS TOOLS of anger, rage, hatred, shame, guilt, fetish, excitement, and 100 other human emotions, to be used with and against their own partners, who are simply proxies to live out eroticized childhood pain from Mommy and Daddy.  Swinger couples are simply USED AS TOOLS of anger, rage, hatred, shame, guilt, excitement, fetish, and 100 other human emotions, by people who use them as proxies of anger, rage, hatred, shame, guilt, fetish, excitement, and dozens of other human emotions, to get off on their own eroticized childhood pain from their own Mommy and Daddy.
Here is the true statement:
“We are a hot couple that both like to suck and fuck other singles and couples that want to suck and fuck us. Let’s use each other in mutually uncool and unkind and disrespectful ways in mutual consent and have good, erotic-kinky-nasty-weird-wild-dirty-wonderful-taboo ways, because none of us can be honest in our real lives, and let’s not say we are friends and love or respect each other in the morning, because we all know that we don’t.  We are looking for hot bodies with mouths and cocks and pussies and assholes that we can brave breaking new ground with in mutual sexual deviance and perversion, and nothing more. We seek to value and respect all limits and boundaries with grace and manners, but we strive to act as though we have no sexual grace or manners eventually, for that is what Swiging is about, living out our dark sides in mutual sexy perversion, with and against each other, in mutual agreement. We seek other like minded people that want to sexually “freak” with us, and nothing more”.
Swingers that fuck other people are in effect fucking each other over, and if they know this and use it to get off on it and get each other off on it, it is really hot, and if they then face the pain afterwards, there is a chance of saving and even evolving the marriage and relationship.  If the couple believes the     “We seek other cool and kind and respectful people to share good times with. We are not into games or drama or people with problems or issues.  We are looking for long term friends with benefits for erotic get togethers and good times.  We are into same room swapping for mutual erotic pleasure only”. . . lie without admitting the truth, then they fuck each other over successfully, and it will come out feeling like betrayal once the truth comes out, and this will destroy the marriage and relationship.
Here is the most important and dangerous Swinger statement and belief:
“Honey I love and trust you and respect you and value you with all my heart, and I promise that I will never stop loving you or trusting you or respecting you and valuing you if and when we engage in sexual contact with other people outside of our relationship”
Truth to be faced in Swinging:
Of course each member of a couple loves, trusts, respects, and values each other, that is part of the sacred arrangement when in Love and in a betrothed, exclusive, monogamous relationship.  Does anyone remember the marriage or vows? 
“Mr. and Mrs.Couple-In-Love, do you solemnly swear to Love, trust, respect, and value each other, through thick and thin, until death do you part?  We do”. 
NOT:
 “Mr. and Mrs. Clever-Lied-To-Each-Other-Break-Your-Vows-Swingers, do you solemnly swear to change your vows and get off on sucking and fucking other people, and then when you find out that you tricked each other and have lost trust and respect and value for each other, say you lied to me and betrayed me and now I want a divorce!”. WE DON’T!”
The interesting note here is that the couple is about to embark, or has embarked, on deviant, perverse, immoral (to the child’s heart not religion), taboo, and “alternative” sexuality with other people.  When the promises and declarations are made they are in fact sincere and true, but are unfortunately lies and impossible to keep. After breaking out as wanton sluts in random sex with other people that are used in disrespect for perverse pleasure for all, and after being used as sluts and by sluts in random sex by other people for the perverse pleasure of all, our perspective and paradigm shifts, and deep childhood pain is released, and we “change”.  That is when flip-flop, when we feel betrayed, when we say, “I knew it”, when we feel hurt, and when we feel that we lied to each other, and set each other up, and when in fact we “fall out of love”, stop trusting each other, stop respecting each other, and stop valuing each other.  That is when our relationship and marriage ends.
In fact we have been subconsciously setting each other up and trapping each other and testing each other all along, and unfortunately we eventually find out what we wanted to know.  “He never loved me, he was just a pervert and asshole all along and he lied to me and betrayed me”.  “She never loved me, she was just a slut and bitch all along and she lied to me and betrayed me”.  If this were true, then Swinging has served very well indeed to flush out the real hateful, using asshole and monger and the real using, hateful bitch and slut, and the marriage ends sooner than later, and the persons feel hurt, but safe and vindicated.  This of course is a tragedy, for the real hateful, two faced, using, asshole and monger and pervert is Daddy of both him and her, or the whole thing could have never been erotic for the couple and played itself out, and the real two faced hateful, using bitch and slut and pervert is Mommy, of him and her, or the whole thing could have never been erotic for the couple or played itself out.
Swingers that fuck other people are in effect fucking each other over, and if they know this and use it to get off on it and get each other off on it, it is really hot, and if they then face the pain afterwards, there is a chance of saving and even evolving the marriage and relationship.  If the couple believes the .. . .“Honey I love and trust you and respect you and value you with all my heart, and I promise that I will never stop loving you or trusting you or respecting you and valuing you if and when we engage in sexual contact with other people outside of our relationship” . . .     lie without admitting the truth, then they fuck each other over successfully at it will feel like a betrayal once the truth comes out, and this will destroy the marriage and relationship
The largest danger and imminent death for any Swinger is for either partner is to idealize their parents and not admit to deep sexual deviance and hate and perversion in both parents of both persons, for then they most certainly will end up blaming each other, and never reach the truth that Husband and Wife are sexually messed up only because both of their parents on both sides are or were even more sexually messed up.  If both partners can admit and blame both of their own parents in their grieving, then can the blame be relieved and released from each other in the present, as the person grieves further back in their pain than the present to face the childhood trauma that drove the whole acting out and set ups in the first place.  And only then can the couple forgive each other and move into a Love and relationship that is not robotic and obedient to parents and culture and religion and society and pain and insecurities and jealousies and possessions  and dependencies of each other.  The question is whether Swinging will save or destroy a marriage or relationship.
To be continued tomorrow in part 6

See you tomorrow.

yourpersonalmuse@gmx.com

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