Musings
From The Heart
An
Essay A Day For A Year
By
Roe
Day
124 May 3, 2012
Just
Doing Our Best
Hey, I’m just doing my best,
and I know that you are too. No one ever
said that life here in Earth was easy, but then again no one ever said that
life would be so hard at times. Life hurts, and I hurt, and many times, just
like you, I wonder what this living is all about. Why are we here? What meaning
is there in life that warrants so much sadness and suffering, besides the
obvious of trying so hard to get to the happier and sweeter times. I would like
to start a club of Life weary Earthians who gather affectionately together each
month just to soothe each other, to say, “I know, and I’m so sorry. Me too. How
about a hug?” Why do we have to suffer
so much going around the Monopoly board just to get to pass Go and be happy so
seldom. Will you come to my club meetings?
I really hope to see you there. I really want you to know that you are
not alone, and I really want you to feel that we are all here with you, all in
the same boat.
In all my trials and
tribulations of Life in my 49 years, in my extensive travels around the world,
in my 20 years of conscious soul searching and self recovery and discovery, I
have realized that I am a victim of SHIT that has happened to me that I did not
ask for, I did not design it or expect it, and I surely did not want it or appreciate
it or welcome it. I accept that Shit Happens, but I want to know why so much of
it has to happen to you and to me. We are good people, we are loving people,
and even if we have suffered dearly all our lives, we are trying so hard to
have some semblance of happiness and merely an adequate, mediocre life. We
deserve so much better than what is dished out to us.
I spend a lot of my time
allowing myself to feel sad, and feel bad, to feel down, and to feel
disappointed. At least once or twice a
week these feelings crest and crescendo into the most tragic and despairing
tears that you may be able to imagine.
The sight of a 49 year old man whimpering and sobbing and wailing like
an infant might be uncomfortable for you, and it has been for me too for so many
years, but it is how I face this life of mine that has been so far from ideal. It
is my birthright and my personal honor and privilege that is perfectly natural
for all humans. I know and accept that
my heart has been deeply wounded, and I know that tears are medicine for the
heart, and so by simple arithmetic I have spent two decades learning how to cry
and grieve again, so that I may try and heal my heart. I say learn to cry and
grieve again since crying and grieving is the most natural and basic acts and
needs of every infant. My poor heart
needs as much medicine as it can get, and despite whether this beautiful
normalcy of my crying is welcome or normal for you, if you were with me during
one of my childlike crying and healing episodes, you would be in tears with me
immediately. I know that you have a lot to cry about too, and I am sorry for
you and for me, I know that your need and ability to cry and grieve was stolen
away from you, and that you lost your ability to heal your own heart. How tragic our lives are when the pain flows
in, but it cannot flow out.
Today I am going to have a
good day, this month things will turn around, this year will be my year of
years. These are things I tell myself and things that we all have to tell
ourselves, and after so many days and months and years, I am really so tired
and so disappointed from hoping and needing so much, and I know that you are
too. I would have liked to have a
wonderful and happy, carefree childhood, and I dearly dream and wish for a life
of dreams that come true, of good luck and amazing times that I will be able to
tell stories about in the future.
Unfortunately, SHIT is exactly that, and it goes around and comes around
and gets on all of our shoes, even if in no real order or pattern.
It is true that we make our
own luck, and it is true that we get what we expect, and it is true that what
goes around comes around. Ok, we are all
doing our best. But it is also true that it is unfair and tragic that we punish
and mistreat victims that are already victims. We put people to death that put
people to death, to show that you must not put people to death. We incarcerate
poor victims that were incarcerated as poor children who grew up to incarcerate
other poor victims, so that we are safe from people that are victims of incarceration
and so that we do not feel incarcerated by people that were incarcerated, so we
incarcerate ourselves and them in a system of incarceration. Hello?
Is anyone out there that feels any semblance of HELP, I am in so much
pain, and you are in so much pain, and pain is our life, and how can we love
when pain rules?
Families of slain children
gloat and revile as the guilty serial murderer is electrocuted, just like the
serial murderer gloated and reviled in the dying soul of the their slain child.
Judges righteously sentence druggies to life in prison, while their own
repressed and servitude lives wane in unhappy obedience to the status quo,
personified by the judges who is addicted to cigarettes and alcohol and prescription
drugs. You put in the hours of work that your society and religion and family
expect, more than any person’s fair share, while you are blamed for any and
every transgression from the norm, when the norm could barely measure up to you
and how hard you try and how much you care. I care so much and sacrifice so
much for others, and yet I am held accountable for any deviance from
perfection, since I hold the candle so high, despite the fact that it is so
rare to even behold a soul in our world with their candle even barely lit. Come on everybody. Let’s join the club of hugging people that
have it so hard, and let’s join the club of pulling off a miracle that the guy
up there on the cross paid so high a price to discover. How about a little Love.
From now on any person who
boo boos, who commits any crime, who messes up and blows it and screws up and
makes a mistake or makes war or killing or rape pillage or plunder, or forgets
to say thank you, is hereby sentenced to a safe place full of Love, full of
back rubs and hugs and warm teas by the fire and especially making Love and
Peace and Harmony. Any person who is a
victim of nature and nurture and anyone who is normal and human must be
punished for their trying so hard to Love and be Loved by not being perfect,
and these people must be punished with compassion and empathy and care and
affection and loving. Of course I am a deviant rebel and a societal,
alternative, counter-culturist revolutionary. I am purveying simple CHILL
PEOPLE. We have all had a hard time, and
we all are trying so hard, and we all need Peace, and Love and Understanding,
and it is more than just a cliché’ song.
I know I can do this, this
living, and I am very sure that you can too.
I’ll see you at the club meeting, and I’ll save a hug for you. I hope you’ll have one for me, because I sure
could use one. Hang in there baby, the meaning is that you are here to mean
something to us all.
See you tomorrow.
yourpersonalmuse@gmx.com
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