Musings
From The Heart
An
Essay A Day For A Year
By
Roe
Day
122 May 1, 2012
Wow
Kids Coming Home
Wow to all little girls that
grow up to be Wow Ladies and Mothers and Wow to all little boys that grow up to
be Wow Gentlemen and Fathers. Wow.
When you were a little girl,
it was phenomenal how smart you were. You knew things that even and especially
the big, smart grown-ups didn’t know. Wow.
When you were a little boy it was heart warming how sweet you were. You were so sensitive and so affectionate. Wow. When you were a little girl you could
just go and go, and you could do anything you wanted, and better than practically
any kid, especially boys. You were real girl power. Wow. When you were a little boy you were the
living idea of “fun”, and you just loved to do things and just be all
happy. If anyone wanted to play all they
had to do is come over to your house. Wow. When you were a little girl, you had
things to say, and you knew what you were talking about. You didn’t open your
mouth unless you were right, and you knew that people should listen. Wow. When you were a little boy you liked
everybody, and you wanted everybody to like you. If anyone needed a real friend, you were the
one to be with. Wow.
Wow to all little girls that
grow up to be Wow Ladies and Mothers and Wow to all little boys that grow up to
be Wow Gentlemen and Fathers. Wow.
When you were a little girl
you just couldn’t wait to run and run and play and play, and you were so good
at it. You were simple determination, and
you had so much talent. Wow. When you were a little boy you had real
plans, and you dreamed of so many things.
You were a hero and everyone had to watch out when you came into
town. Wow. When you were a little girl things all made
sense, and you loved making order out of things. If anyone needed help to know what to do, you
were the fair little girl that they could count on. Wow. When you were a little boy you were so
nice and kind. When people and animals were unhappy or hurt you were the first to
be on their side and want to help.
Wow. When you were a little girl
you knew exactly how to do the right thing.
You were so well liked, and you earned it yourself for being so fair and
capable. Wow. When you were a little boy you really trusted
grown ups and knew that you wanted to be just like them. You smiled so much to everyone and you wanted
them to like you just the same. Wow.
Wow to all little girls that
grow up to be Wow Ladies and Mothers and Wow to all little boys that grow up to
be Wow Gentlemen and Fathers. Wow.
When you were a little girl
you spent endless hours practicing with your fantasies how to be just the best
and happiest wife and mommy in the world.
You knew who was in charge, and you were so sweet and lady like about
it. Wow.
When you were a little boy you spent endless hours exploring and
conquering the world. If anyone needed a
good boy to save the day and make everything right again, you were the greatest
of all. Wow. When you were a little girl
you really admired your Mommy when she was a good Mommy, and you really loved
your Daddy when he was a good Daddy.
When Mommy and Daddy fell short of their best you noticed it
immediately, and you looked at them and went to them to let them know that what
they did was not good enough. Wow. When you were a little boy you really
worshipped your Mommy and your Daddy.
You really loved your Mommy and Daddy, and when they were not a good
Mommy or Daddy it was Ok, because you knew that they must know what they are
doing, and you trusted that they would fix any problems. Wow.
When you were a little girl you were amazing and really knew things and
could do things. You were the apple of Daddy’s eye, and you were Mommy’s little
right hand girl. Wow. When you were a little boy you were really
funny, and you could make anyone smile.
You were Mommy’s little man, and you made Daddy proud as his little
champ that wanted to be just like him.
Wow.
Wow to all little girls that
grow up to be Wow Ladies and Mothers and Wow to all little boys that grow up to
be Wow Gentlemen and Fathers. Wow.
When you were a little girl
you knew and expected that you were seen as you really were, and that you were
accepted and approved of and loved for how you really were. Wow.
When you were a little boy you trusted and hoped that you were seen and
as you really were, and that you were accepted and approved of and loved for
how you really were. Wow. When you were a little girl you just couldn’t
wait to grow up and be a real lady and mother and show everyone in the world
just who you were and how it could be done as a real lady and mother. Wow.
When you were a little boy you just couldn’t wait to grow up to be a
real gentleman and show everyone in the world just who you were and just how
you could be a real gentleman and father.
Wow.
Wow to all little girls that
grow up to be Wow Ladies and Mothers and Wow to all little boys that grow up to
be Wow Gentlemen and Fathers. Wow.
I’m so sorry that this essay
is so painful to read as we all twinge inside with the faint memory of how
miraculous we all were before we had to run away and hide in survival as
children. I’m so sorry for you and for
me. I’m so sorry that we never got to be
the amazing little girls and boys that we were once. I’m so sorry that no one really ever saw us
as the prodigies that we still are inside, and I’m so sorry that no one ever
really listened to us, or trusted us, or valued how special we were. I’m so
sorry for how badly we were all treated, for how all little girls were
diminished and silenced, and relegated to inferiors today. I know how
infuriating it is. I’m so sorry for how all us little boys were toughened
cruelly out of our sweetness to be the insensitive men we are today. I know how
mean that was and how that hurts.
If we all still hope to be real ladies and the
best mothers, if we all hope to be real gentleman and the best fathers, we must
bring conscious how painful it is to read this essay as a lonely and longing little
child still inside of our adult selves, and realize how painful it is to have
lost and to miss our own amazing inner children that our parents did not want
and could not tolerate. None of us were seen and accepted and approved of and
loved as just who and how we were, and all of us suffered at the hands of our
faulty parents that did not listen to us, that did not believe us, that did not
trust us, and that did not really love us as we were. In order to come home to our savvy, funny,
capable, affectionate inner children we must realize that our parents hurt us,
and our parents suppressed us, and our parents failed us. We must all stop
idealizing and worshipping and protecting and making excuses for our parents.
“They did the best they can”, or “they meant well” are lies and cover ups for
knowing that our parents failed us, so that we may hide and deny our pain, and
so that our parents do not have to face what they have done to us.
There is no need or gain to
face our parents now in the present about the past, for they are victims
themselves of their own even crueler parents and world, and the past cannot be
healed simply with the mind in the present. We must cry and grieve back to the
pains of the past, and our parents in the present can do nothing to help us do
that. There is no gain at all to worship invented fathers in the sky, or virgin
mothers, or even attempt to meditate away our pain, for we may only find and
heal our lost inner children by openly knowing that our parents hurt us and
failed us, and our religions openly hurt us and failed us, and by blaming our
parents and religions privately. Our only hope is to first realize that we are
sad and hurting from what happened to us as children, and then in our hearts
and minds eye blame and hurt and mourn and grieve and cry out all the pain and
outrage of our suffering at the hands of our faulty parents and religions. In
the present you may still honor and cherish and love your parents and your
religion, but unless you can rage and cry at the perpetrators privately, your
parents and your religion have successfully amputated your smart little girl
forever, and crushed your sweet little boy forever.
Let us not be caught in the trap of idealizing any mother or
father, our flesh and blood ones, or our imaginary ones, for we will find
ourselves in a trap of pain that can never be healed. There is no loss or taboo or sacrilege in
putting the blame where it belongs, and putting the pain where it belongs,
putting the healing where it belongs, and our inner children expect it and
demand it and hope for it. When we can
cry and rage and grieve for what happened to us, we can finally recover our
true amazing selves, and it is only our true amazing selves that can honestly
honor and forgive and respect our parents and our belief systems.
You are so special, and so
amazing. Wow. It is time to remember who we were and who we
were meant to become, and what we were meant to do here on Earth. And it is not becoming a dutiful servant or
product of our parents or our archaic religions. We were way beyond that when we were very
tiny and hopeful as ourselves, and I know you remember pieces of that. Let’s
get on with making our lives self made and self lived, and let’s get on with
making Earth the home it was meant to be for us all. Our parents and religions have clearly failed
to do that. What they have succeeded at is birthing us, and even if severely
wounded little children, we can thank them for making sure that we grew up.
Now this is our time, and we
must return to the children we were by facing what our parents did to us for us
to lose our amazing child selves. We owe it to our own inner children and to
our own children to not repeat this cruel cycle of dishonoring the miracles
that come each new generation. The way we can do that is to privately, in our
own grieving hearts, face our faulty parents and our deep disappointment at not
having been honored and cherished and loved just as we were, just as we still
are deep inside us.
Wow to all little girls that
grow up to heal themselves so the can be Wow Ladies and Mothers and Wow to all
little boys that grow up to heal themselves so they can be Wow Gentlemen and
Fathers. Wow.
See you tomorrow.
yourpersonalmuse@gmx.com
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